Although this saying has been said many times, I have grasped that this concept is quite true. You told me many things that I believed and fell for. You made me feel an emotion that I had never felt before, a kind of happiness that I wanted to be smothered in; the feeling of being loved by someone like you. And you might wonder, “someone like you,” what does that mean? What I mean is that I loved you like no other and to hear the words of you informing me that you loved me as well and more, it was all that I really needed.
But what I did not want to realize was that the words you spoke, vanished into the thin air the moment they left your lips. The words you spoke were like a whisper, defining a mediocre love that I longed for to be true. All I wanted was to hear you say all the things I have always wanted to hear from you, and believe it. So every time I heard those words that I wanted to hear, so tender and warming, I would take a hold of it; as if I had to grasp the words and drag them into my body, into the deep crevices of my mind, before they disappeared into the sheer silence; into a black hole of where all the other words you have failed to proven me ended up.
Whereas the words I held onto before they were gone? I replayed them in my mind so that I, and my heart, would not have to worry that these words too, would vanish so quickly.
I’m done. I’m going to forget how much it hurt and stop acting like I’m okay. I gave you my all every time you left me and then you have the nerve to say I gave up on you. You also still continue to tell me lies, such as telling me you’re still in love with me. I’ve tried too many times and I can’t take it anymore.
I’m going to try my best not to miss you and make it seem like I want to walk away. I’ll pretend that I don’t love you anymore and bury the pain deep down so it disappears somewhere.
It’s the hardest decision I have yet to make, but for once, I’m confident that everything is going to be okay. So I’m letting go, accepting what was, and finally moving on from that chapter in my life.
Tell me that you miss me and that you’re sorry. Explain to me why you chose to hurt me. Tell me all the things you never got the chance or courage to. And also, tell me how you feel now and what you think is too late to tell me.
Last night felt like one of those nights we used to have; conversing during the late hours of the night. We talked about our past and everything just strangely felt like the way they used to be. You sung to me like old times and even remembered my favorite song; you’re the only one that seems to know it.
Reminiscing our past together, looking back on our journey; it was really, in a way, comforting. I’m glad we can still keep in touch and love and care for each other.
What happened, it didn’t go down the right road and it wasn’t supposed to; I’ve began to understand that. In the past, you had many, many chances to fix up your act, but you chose not to do it. And no matter how many times I tell myself it wasn’t my fault; because it really wasn’t; I can’t help but still think it was my fault. What once was, cannot be again.
I don’t want you to give me excuses anymore. If you decide to stay, then stay. But don’t tell me things are going to be the way they used to be; that you’ll try to make things like they once were. I want things to change, to be better.
I remember I used to think that. I wanted to break your heart; grab a hold of it and crush it into pieces with my bare hands; just so you could feel what I felt. I wanted the next person you happened to fall hopelessly in love to do to you what you did to me. I wanted karma to get back at you, like revenge.
And I was hoping if that were to happen to you, you’d open your eyes to the realization of the hurt you drowned me in; the pain and suffering that you caused me. And maybe, just maybe, you’d apologize to me for all your wrong doings. You’d take the time to give me a sincere, heartfelt apology because you finally understand.
Just because there was that one painful heartbreak, it doesn’t mean things won’t get better - things always get better. Yes, it may seem like it’s the end of the world and that you’ll feel sad forever, but trust, you’ll get through it. Don’t think there won’t be another to make you happier than you were, because most likely, there will be someone that treats you and loves you better than you ever dreamed of; someone that will treat you the way you truly deserve.
Cheer up, buttercup. It’ll get better someday and this sadness will go away.
It still hurts. It’s been almost 11 months since it’s been over, and I’m still hurt. I am over you, I’m just not over what you made me feel. I’m this way because of you and I wish I could just yell at you for what you’ve done to me; for what I’ve become.
I know I shouldn’t point fingers and such, but honestly, you really are the reason I’m like this now; it all started with you. When I get this way, my mind forces me to think back to all those times to make myself suffer, and I can’t stop. I break into tears when I remind myself how you made me feel; no, not the broken heart, but how you ended up making me feel insecure and that I’m not worth the fight for anyone.
And I know that it probably sounds pathetic that it still hurts me and you still haunt me, but I can’t help it. It’s been planted into my mind that I deserve to feel this way ever since I got hurt the first time when I was in love with you. You constantly coming back and leaving me; making me happy then sad - “the cycle” I’d call it.
I wish you knew, I just wish you fucking knew.
Step back and look at what is really going on. Don’t just look at what’s going on at this moment, look back all the way to where it all started - the beginning. Go ahead, close your eyes and imagine it. Now, see how you were happy; how you both were happy? Remember how you two were so eager to see each other every moment of the day? Sigh, when you weren’t the only one actually putting forth effort. Now forget the past and slowly come forth to the present.
As you do, are you slowly catching the first signs of trouble? Do you see how things are slowly becoming to collapse? The downfall of what was pure bliss has started. Now, I’m not trying to say it has become a train wreck, but the ups and downs have begun.
Now come back to now, the present, and see how things have changed throughout the months. You seem to be the only that stayed the same and keeps going that extra mile. If you love her, stay - but only stay if she’s willing to make it the way things used to be. Don’t fall for words, have the words be proven to you. Because honestly, you deserve the best.